Spend Your Friends Like Pennies

John dies at the end. That's not a spoiler, that's the title. How could I not read a book with a title like that? Just with the title alone, it already had me wondering in which unconventional way the character would die, so that it would not leave me disappointed having known in advance that he would. Before reading the book, I settled upon the idea of John reaching the ripe old age of 97 or so and then, like the title promised, die. This may have happened. This may not have. It's up to you to decide if you want to find out.

The book John Dies at the End is by Jason Pargin, the editor in cheif of Cracked.com (at least as of 2009, if not still) writing as his main character David Wong (Okay, I just checked - he writes on there as David Wong as well). When I read that in the back inside flap of the book cover, I immediately anticipated an exciting, humorous book. Cracked.com are the people who give us all of the fun articles like "5 Bad Ideas Humanity is Sticking with Out of Habit," which you can read here. Unfortunately, the dust jacket was the most interesting part of this entire book.

The worst thing is that this book lacks structure. It takes on the form of some kid telling a story and making it up as he goes along, trying to be more and more absurd with each sentence. If Wong was going for absurd, he got it. If he was going for interesting, however, I found it lacking. At many times during the book, it seemed like the story should be over. However, Wong (the character) kept telling the reporter, with whom he was sharing his story, to sit down, because that wasn't even the best part of the story. He would then proceed to relate an entirely different story, linked to the first with nothing but the weak theme that he strings along throughout the book: "Weird, disgusting evil creatures are trying to take over the world, and we have to do all of this boring, improbable stuff to stop them!!"

Wong wasn't lying when he said "you haven't heard the best part yet". He seemed to be saving his "best" stuff for last, as I can honestly say that the epilogue was pretty decent. But I never would have gotten there if I weren't required to finish this book. It wouldn't have been worth my time. Fortunately, the two or so weeks that I spend reading this will save me from sitting through the two to three hours of the movie of the same name to be released in 2012. I can't get my two weeks back, but at least I'll never have to experience this story again.

P.S. Not all of the writing was bad, just the story. The line from which I borrow my title has a character saying that he didn't want to "spend [his] friends like pennies" by bringing danger into their lives. I enjoyed this simile, although I don't usually spend my pennies. I keep them in a jar on my desk. I wonder which is worse :)

Their Crinoline Skirts Spread Around Them Like Petals of Flowers

I love historical fiction. I've never been good with remembering dates, but when you put the stories of history into context with more personal narratives, I'll be more likely to remember an approximate time period. The same is true with international history. About two weeks ago, I finished reading Julia Alvarez's Before We Were Free. This story takes place during the overthrow of an oppressive regime in the 1960s Dominican Republic. I had never heard of Rafael Trujillo, known to the citizens as "El Jefe", meaning "The Boss", nor the revolution planned and executed by the people, but this story of a young girl and the struggles of her family and friends will help it stick with me.

Anita de la Torre is eleven years old when this story starts, attending an American-run school, which means that she would be very familiar with our country's history, even if I previously knew nothing about hers. Right away, you are able to see some of the inconsistencies in her schooling. The students are learning about the first Thanksgiving, and are assigned roles for a play. Anita is cast as one of the Natives and is told that her lines are as follows: "Welcome to the United States" (Alvarez, 1). Another Dominican student objects. "Why the Indians call it the United Estates when there was no United Estates back then, Mrs. Brown?" (2). The American students laugh at his English pronunciation rather than admit that his point is valid. The teacher just brushes it off as "creative licensing."

The relationship between the U.S. and the Dominican Republic, as demonstrated above, is one of the most interesting parts of this story. We have embassies and consulates almost everywhere and, along with those, American communities abroad. While these families are there, however, relations between the two countries become strained, and the U.S. enforces a trade embargo. In the classroom, many students are concerned, and Mrs Brown tries to explain the embargo the best she can. "You know how your parents sometimes ground your brother or sister," she says. "It's not because they don't love him or her, now, is it? It's because they are concerned and want to make him or her a better person" (33). But, not willing to explain the politics behind it, she succeeds in nothing more than making the Dominican children feel that they've done something wrong.

Although we don't learn much about the cultural histories of other countries unless we specifically seek it out, it is gratifying when you understand a reference that was hinted at but not fully discussed. At one point in the book, Anita decides that she wants to read more. "He [tio Pepe] told me about famous people in prisons and dungeons who did incredible stuff, like this nun way back in colonial times, who I guess wrote tons of poetry in her head..." (120). I'm not certain, but I think she's talking about Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, a Spanish nun in Mexican history. I don't recall her actually being imprisoned in the literal sense, but she felt trapped in her life "options". She is known to have said "I couldn't dress as a boy, so I dressed as a nun instead." What this meant was that, even though she didn't really feel like she was a nun, she had to be. It was the only way that it would be acceptable for her to continue learning. One of my favorite lines of her poetry roughly translates to "Is it worse to sin for pay, or to pay for sin", asking whether the prostitute or the customer is more at fault. She was a voice for women when everyone else was afraid to be. I really enjoyed that this book was able to bring back to my memory this historical woman just from one minor line.

 I think I'm going to make a point to read more books like these in the future, because even the history that I already know has more than one perspective. This story is about so much more than just politics. It is about family interactions and coming of age, making it the perfect backdrop for such a heavy time in history. History doesn't happen in and of itself. It is interwoven with our daily lives 

The Essence of Pancakes, of Savory Fish Pies

I don't really know how to talk about Fydor Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment. Is it bad to relate to a murderer? Whether it is or not, I do. I don't pity Raskolnikov. Killing another human being not out of self defense, but out of self importance is not acceptable. But I feel like I understand him. Porfiry, the police officer who basically stalks Raskolnikov for no other reason than to make him uncomfortable and confess his crime has this to say to him: "...You are still young, so to say, in your first youth and so you put intellect above everything..." (270). In this way, Raskolnikov is able to use abstract arguments to justify the murder of his elderly pawnbroker, as he considers her to be vile and greedy, a detriment to society. I guess the biggest difference between he and I is that I have already decided that I believe murder to be wrong. If I didn't have that conviction, I could, like he, come to the conclusion that, not only was this "crime" okay, but that it was my humanitarian duty to rid the world of someone who leeches off of the poor. Intellect is important, but without our beliefs to anchor us, whether these be religious or personal beliefs, it becomes much too easy to lose ourselves in our arguments.

This is not to say that Raskolnikov was without a belief system. We all have them, whether we think about them constantly, or hardly at all. His beliefs lay mainly within his own theories. Once he made one, he felt like he had to prove it to be true. This shows the danger of blind allegiance, in one's self, to one's group, to whatever. I surprised someone the other day; when asked a question, I admitted that I didn't know. Why are we so afraid to be wrong? Why can't we revise our theories, instead of going down with them? Even after he saw where his theory would lead him Raskolnikov still only thought of how it affected him and his sphere of people. "I murdered myself, not her" (330), he says.

That phrase sums up what this book is actually about: how committing this crime affects him. How would it affect any of us? In the space between committing the act and being legally punished for it, are you really as free as that supposed freedom you are clinging to should entail? To me, it is an even worse type of punishment. That is why I would never make a good character: If I brought myself to committing such a crime, I would turn myself in immediately;  no, I don't think I can figure out the mystery better than the police. I think  I'll let them do their jobs; They're going to bomb our spaceship? Well, there's basically no where to run, so who wants another drink? End credits. Worst movies ever.